


Not Funny - (Changkyun)

by smoshyphantrash



Series: Monsta X Imagines [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Breakdown, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 15:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14335908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoshyphantrash/pseuds/smoshyphantrash
Summary: Changkyun snaps at an offensive joke.





	Not Funny - (Changkyun)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Sexual Assault, Depression, Dissociation, Mental Breakdowns, Self Harm

I was fine. As fine as I could be, I suppose. I was fine. That is, until one fan decided to be insensitive and provocative in all the wrong ways. 

Having a sign that read "Fuck Me" would be understandable. Borderline acceptable. This? Completely unacceptable... And no one, I mean no one was prepared for the reaction it provoked. 

Of course, I had to be the one to see the sign. "Hey!" I yelled, catching the attention of everyone in the venue. "That's not fucking funny. Put it down, now."

Kihyun grabbed my arm. "What's going on?" He asked, whispering and pulling the microphone away from my mouth.

"Someone has a sign," I clenched my jaw, looking away from Kihyun for a bit. Minhyuk walked up to my other side, rubbing my shoulder. "It says "rape me" on it. It's a pink sign."  Everyone was mumbling, wondering why I.M. just went the fuck off. As Minhyuk, Kihyun and I looked out toward the crowd again, the sign was still up. I grabbed my microphone back from Kihyun. "I said, put it down! You know who you are! You're wearing a purple shirt with a black jacket. You have a neon pink sign." Minhyuk took my microphone away from me to speak.

I held my head down, my head starting to hurt. "The girl in the fifth row, put it down. You may think it's cute, endearing... What if the girl next to you has experienced that? Or the person behind you? It's not funny or cute. It's harmful. We're asking you to put it down, Miss, please." I glanced up to see if she had done so yet. She was acting fucking clueless.

"Hey!" Hyungwon spoke up. "You've been asked multiple times to fucking put it down." Shownu and Wonho pointed her out to our managers. Jooheon brought me a bottle of water. 

I took the water and immediately rushed backstage. Once I was isolated, I immediately broke down into tears. Today, Monbebes saw a side of me I didn't want them to see. A couple of them. The angry side of me and the absolutely triggered side of me. Seeing those words on that sign hit me personally. Our managers and the other members knew. Not my family, none of my friends outside of being an idol. I was determined to let these things die with me when it was my time to go, but eventually they figured it out. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in. I tried to stop thinking all together, but I failed.

The first time, arguably my first time happened back in high school. It was a cliche party setting. I was only drugged enough for me to lose control of myself. I often wished I was drugged enough to not even know. She led me to him. The guy I hated before and the guy I'll forever hate now. Someone I considered to be my friend put me in danger. I fucking hate her too. The image of it all stays with me forever. The fact that I literally lost internal control... I'm a strong guy, even though I'm on the smaller side. I could've easily pushed him off of me if I wasn't under the influence. My voice, I never knew your own voice could annoy you. I whimpered like a pussy the entire time. The only thing that man had against me was his own power. Not a gun or a knife. If I wasn't drugged, I could've escaped. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the door handle shake. "Changkyun..." Kihyun and Minhyuk called.

I slipped back into my thoughts, reliving the second time. This time, I wasn't drugged. I had a dream that I could've lost if I didn't give myself up. The deal was, I could be let on No Mercy late if I did what the producer asked. And so I did. And I was allowed on No Mercy. No one liked me, so I couldn't talk to anyone about anything. I kinda stopped talking a bunch because of that. Then, I won. I made it through every mission I was a part of. That was where it all went even more wrong. We were all judged heavily during preparation for debut. Yet, none of my fellow members were judged as heavily as me. If I stepped wrong during a dance rehearsal, stumbled over my words while rapping, I'd be in a session with our pre-debut manager. He took the rest of me. I was sick often before debut, hospitalized sick. I was dehydrated, depressed, anxious. You name it, I probably had it. It was the moment Kihyun found out that I was sore in questionable places, such as my thighs, hips and arms that he started watching over me.

One day, he got physically rough with me. Everyone was out eating while he'd come home from shopping. As I tried to hide from him, he pinned me against the wall. "Changkyun," he said. I looked away from him as he was now terrifying me. He just didn't know it yet. "I've noticed you've been... Off, lately. And I didn't want you to hide from me, now that we're alone." His words, they were telling me to either fight or fall to the ground.

"Please... K-Kihyun," I started breathing heavily. "Let me go."

He shook his head. "Not yet, give me your arm." He grabbed my arm roughly, pushing my sleeve up. I snatched my arm away. "Changkyun... What's wrong? Wh-why are you doing this?" I looked down, trying not to cry. He'd think I'm weak. Hell, he already does. But he'll think even more so.

I sighed, looking up, tears brimming my eyelids. "Promise you won't tell? And you'll let me go?" Kihyun nodded as he let me go. I took a few deep breaths, holding onto myself. "O-Our manager..." I bit my lip, trying to avoid saying it. "Our manager is using me." Once I admitted to Kihyun, and myself, the tears wouldn't stop. 

"Changkyun..." Kihyun spoke softly.

I shook my head, losing my shit. "Why the fuck is it me? A-Am I just young and foolish? I-Is it because I'm the youngest? Am I a magnet for abusers? This isn't the first person, I doubt he's the fucking last at this point. Oh, God." I ran my hands through my hair, pulling at it.

Kihyun rushed to me and grabbed onto me. "Changkyun, breathe." He mumbled. For the first time ever, a member saw the vulnerability I wanted to hide.

A few moments later, Minhyuk came in the door. "Hey, what happened?" 

Kihyun turned around, looking at him. "We'll talk later," Kihyun sighed, running his hand through my hair as my breathing began to stable. Since Minhyuk couldn't do much, he just came and sat with us, joining the hug.

Again, I was snapped back to reality by Minhyuk and Kihyun opening the door to the bathroom. "Hey," Minhyuk came in, holding onto me. "You're okay... She left. If you want, you and I can stay back here for a while?" Minhyuk ran his hand up and down my back. "Or, we can end the meet and greet?" I shook my head.

"It's fine..." I stood upright, straightening my outfit. "Let's g- Oh shit." My knees buckled and I fell into Minhyuk's lap.

Kihyun squeezed in, grabbed a paper towel and doused it in cold water. "You're not going back out there." He began to pat my face.

I shook my head, persistent. After I calmed down a bit more, I walked back to the main stage. The venue was quiet and I picked up a microphone. "Monbebes," I began. "I'm so sorry to show you that part of me... That was a very personal point of view coming out. That's all I'll say, you can probably figure things out. You're all very smart. But, rape is not funny. No victim asks for it. It's not endearing for someone to tell us to rape them. It's terrifying that someone can find this cute. Please, refrain from making those jokes. If you were affected, I'm genuinely sorry you had to witness that. Let's continue, let's have fun. It's okay. I'm okay. And I'm sorry."

When the meet and greet was over, everyone was checking up on me. I felt so bad for having them all concerned about me. Later, I searched up my name, curious as to what articles were being written. A few Amino articles with the question of whether or not I was a rape victim or sexual abuse survivor... A lot of articles about me standing up to someone making such a joke. A bunch of tweets thanking me for saying something. That's what made me smile. The fact that I could speak up for others. Because it's not funny.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, I wrote this because there was a video I saw where it was a crack video for Jealousy's relay dance and they wrote "rape me" on Hyungwon's dance in the chorus. And it pissed me off and I remembered EXO's Suho reading a sign at a concert that said "rape me" and him visibly getting pissed off. Chen talked to him and he pointed the sign out and then shrugged Chen off. He was not okay. He was angry and disgusted.
> 
> Also, you just never know who you're offending quietly. So that's my rant. And I'm sorry if you hate this.


End file.
